Holidays, Straitjackets, and Tequila. 

Nine days to Christmas and guess what? I don’t have shit. Most people would freak by now. Me? I’ve always been the last minute kinda gal. Yeah, I’m every retailers worst nightmare. You know, the chick that runs into stores on Christmas Eve, ten minutes before closing time, looking for all the shit I didn’t get over the course of a whole goddamn year.
I mean, let’s be real for a moment. It’s not like the holidays are an unexpected intruder who demands a bottle of wine in the middle of the night, right?! We’ve got over 360 days to get shit sorted and somehow I still mess it up.
I wait and wait and wait…Then, at some point (usually on the 24th) I realize damn I should really dress up and hit the city. By the time I come back home (I always manage to get stuff despite being so late) all I want is a bottle of Tequila, a book, and my bed.
Contrary to what you assume it’s not because I hate Christmas. I love the spirit of the season—giving back, loving each other, and all that heartfelt stuff I’m really terrible at. What really drives me crazy are people. You see, they run around, yell at those poor retailers, act as if the world’s about to end if they don’t get what they want (which by the way is their fault because like me they messed up and are way too late) and forget why they buy presents in the first place. I guess that’s one of the reasons I put shopping off for as long as humanly possible. I don’t want to see the hate. I want to walk into a store and see smiling faces because they get to be with their families. I want humans to be kind to each other because that’s what Christmas is all about. What I don’t want is a zoo of crazy pouring hate into the hearts of already stressed out folks.
Call me silly, but all I want for Christmas is for people to read the Christmas Carol and remember why they don’t need a new iPhone when they have a shot at talking to their loved ones in person. I want them to hug their families because they still can. But above all I want a straightjacket so I can tie them down and brainwash them until they get it.
Anyway, what I’m trying to say is: Happy Holidays! Love as if there’s no tomorrow. Spread kindness until your dark heart vomits in your chest. And be happy because there’s always someone out there who will spend the holidays alone, hungry, and sad. It’s up to you to make their Christmas a little less awful and sometimes all it takes to accomplish that is a smile.
Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah!
Yours truly,
The Ice Queen.

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